Sunday, March 14, 2010

Our First Foray into the World of Swapping

So we’ve learned that finding a guy for your wife to have sex with, which seems like it would be easy, is hard.  Well last night we learned that finding a couple for both of us to have sex with, which you expect would be hard, was hard.

We were definitely out of our comfort zone last night.  We had talked extensively beforehand about how far we would let things go if it felt right.  We set her limits the same as usual.  She can do everything she wants.  We set my limits to everything except penetration and giving oral sex.  She’s not ready for me to fuck another woman yet, and says I can’t give a woman the pleasure of my tongue cause I don’t give it to her enough.  Agreed.

We arrived at the start time, which was good, because it gave us a chance to get a drink.  Shocktop yum.  But they didn’t serve it with an orange slice.  I know if you haven’t tried it, it sounds bad, but it’s much better.  Anyway, we grabbed a couple of spots at the bar and watched as people came in.  We were nervous and pretty much talked to each other for the first 45 minutes.  We thought that there might be some sort of get to know each other activities, but we soon found that many, no most, people knew others there already.  Maybe we should have contacted some people before hand, then we could meet them in person there. 

So we waited at the bar talking to each other, starting to look around some, still nervous to make eye contact with anyone.  Ok I did make eye contact with a few young women, but I knew they were here for some younger meat.  The whole concept felt weird.  Do I look at a couple cause I like the wife?  What if Wife doesn’t like the husband?  What if Wife knows the husband!?

We were hopeful that a couple would come talk to us.  We’re attractive, and we were smiling, laughing and having a good time.  But no, no one approached us.  So when we had enough courage to get up and talk to a couple, we picked them out.  They were attractive and at a table on the side by themselves.  They looked like newbies too.  So we got up, walked over to them, and … walked right by.  Thought I was ready, but couldn’t do it yet.

We walked around to see what was happening elsewhere.  We were not getting looks, which is odd cause we usually get some looks at a vanilla nightclub.  Wife looked good, and of course so did I.  She didn’t seem nervous anymore, which can kill all the looks.  She said I never look nervous.  Finally Wife said I got a look, and she got some too.  I think the people fell into two classes.  Those that knew each other already, and those that this was all new to them.  Those that knew each other were having fun with each other by this time.  Those that were new, were just trying to get comfortable.  Like us 30 minutes ago, not ready to look anyone in the eye.

The couple that organized the event are standing near us and don’t have anyone talking to them for a change.  We go over to them and thank them for arranging the evening.  They are wonderful hosts and offer to introduce us to anyone we want.  Trouble is we don’t know who we want to talk to – everyone and no one.  After 2 to 3 minutes we let them go.  Really nice people.

We are ready again.  No really, this time we’re really ready...  I think.  We discuss which couples we should approach.  It’s a hard balancing act.  Finding a couple where we are both attracted to them, but that are in our age range.  Wife has standards that are high, due to the fact she has her pick of guys as a hotwife cause there are hundreds (maybe thousands) of them that want to meet her.  Here we’re just one more couple.  The hottest guys are in the “know” crowd and have got several women on them already.  I point out a couple, and she says no.  She points out a couple, and I think they are too hot to be the first couple we talk to.  We’d be too nervous.  Sounds aggravating, but it’s not.  We’re having fun.  But still haven’t talked to anyone.

We get up to walk around.  Back to the bar where we started.  We look at a few couples and are getting to the point where we just accept that we just aren’t going to catch anyone’s eye tonight and …  Wife says “Wait”, a guy may have caught her eye.  She looks again.  He’s not looking.  Then he is.  I turn around and give him a look that says “Can we come over and talk?”  He gives me the little head nod to come over.

It’s the couple we past by.  Now I know why we past them.  They are hot.  We all introduce ourselves and we say you look new to this like us.  After that, conversation comes naturally.  We talk first about this lifestyle.  Then we move on to other topics.  Things are looking up.  I think “Wow, I just might get to kiss her tonight!”  It took us an hour and a half to talk to another couple.  I’m so glad we finally did.  We talk for about a half hour and had fun.  He has to go to the bathroom and tells us when he gets back that there’s a dance floor in another area.  They ask if we want to go dancing.  Sure!

We dance next to them, not sure how to swap partners.  We need to learn, and so do they.  After a bit we drift apart.  I guess that they’re not that into us, cause I see them with another woman whose touching both of them.  Then they are dancing and talking to other couples.  I guess they are learning quicker than us.

We danced (only with each other) and hung out by the dance floor the rest of the night.  The other couple leaves when Wife is in the bathroom.  The wife makes a point to say good bye.  Why did she have to do that!  I had accepted that they preferred other couples and was ok with that.  I understand.  Now I don’t know what to think.  Did she say that to be polite, though she could have easily just gone out without looking my way at all.  We hadn’t talked to them in over an hour.  She didn’t have to seek me out.  But she did.  So now I think, maybe they do like us.  Maybe they just want to be friends.  Maybe they want more.  Or maybe she’s just polite.  I don’t know.

They go outside and he lights up a cigarette.  They hang around out front for a bit and we can see them.  Wife comes back and I show her and tell her what happened.  When we got home we tried to find them on SwingLifeStyle, but we never exchanged contact info.  Interesting, Wife has reconsidered the neither one of them can smoke policy.  She must have really liked him.  She also softened her stance on my limits.  She said that if we were with them, she’d be fine with me fucking her.  At least last night.

All in all it was a miserable night of drinking beer, dancing, chatting with sexy couples, and watching some fun shenanigans.  Which is to say it was a great night out.  Best night out since, well our first night with BD.

Next time:
1. Email before hand
2. Have a drink (one drink!, not 2, not 3, not 6) before we get there if we need to settle our nerves a bit
3. Arrive ready to walk up to people and say hi from the moment we get there – seize the day!  Take a chance.  The worst they can say is “No thanks.”  (Ok, they could say worse things, like “Have you met my mother?”)
4. Talk to lots of couples, if we see someone we like talk to them
5. Get contact info, phone number, profile name, something
6. Learn to get comfortable with splitting up.  The people having the most fun are the people that mingle together, then separately, then together again.


JFBreak said...

What a great account of things. I can just imagine the entire back and forth of wondering if a couple is too hot or the wife is good but not the husband or the husband is good but not the wife.

I don't want to throw a wrench into things, but if you e-mail a couple in advance, does that obligate you to hang out with them. I mean, will you feel awkward if you see the perfect couple at the next table but you are already sitting with the people you e-mailed?

It all sounds very exciting. Good luck.

Quiet Man said...

JFBreak, Interesting thought. I think if we are open and honest in the emails, we can say something like "Let's meet at the xxx event to see how things go. Then we can split up to give everyone a chance to chat with their partners and see who else is there. If we all choose we can always meet up again on the dance floor."

We've learned that this lifestyle places rewards those that are open and honest (at least with others in the lifestyle).

Thanks for the help. Keep them coming.